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The day I agreed to get married – Part2 (Finally)

Posted by Neeraj Kumar on March 8, 2007

(Flashback: Continued from here . Delay in this post was caused due to my employer showing me the contract that I indeed have been hired to work.)

If for Jane Austen (Ref: Pride and Prejudice) single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife, for parents, its jobs.

A conversation/argument with your dad probably ranks only next to waking up early on a winter morning in terms of difficulty. I have tried to be an obedient son and I was being put on trial here. Say, but make sure you are not disrespectful. Stay quiet and “Yes” will be taken as the implied answer. There was no way out. Chances of success were looking bleak. In the past I have dealt with desperate situations like these by estimating the worst case scenario and convincing myself that it was not bad enough. I was struggling to convince myself here. Its interesting how your most significant qualities desert you when you want them most. I have generally tried to latch on to humour to get me off the hook but, here I was not finding anything funny. It was getting serious.

Me: Do I have to answer now?

Dad: Why, who do you have to ask?

Me: No, but I mean there were so many things I wanted to do.

Dad: Well, Isn’t marriage one of those on your sorry list?

Me: Well, yeah! I think….But –

Dad: (Without letting me finish) This is the problem with today’s generation. They think more and do less.

(I kept quiet hoping that the conversation would end on this note as any answer might provoke him to speak.)

Dad: Do you realise that most guys of your age and from your batch are married? Or is there somebody you have in London you are not telling us about? (Without waiting for me to answer) Listen, I understand that there is some generation gap here. If you think that I don’t understand that then you are wrong. I understand. I understand more than you think. I will not impose my thinking on to yours. I am quite liberal when it comes to that. I don’t believe in telling people what to do. If there is a girl there, I have no problem with it. Why will I have problem? After all its you who has to marry and its you who has to live with her. Why do you think we will have problem with that? (And I was thinking ‘wow!’ and he goes) Just make sure that it is not one of those white girls. After all there is something called society that we have to consider and keep in mind. After all people have been following these traditions for ages. There must be some meaning to it. So, just make sure that she is a decent maithil brahmin girl of a different Gotra to ours. (Background: Maithil Brahmins are one type of Brahmins belonging to Hindu religion. There are certain rules that you need to follow. This link has something to say about it. Quality is a suspect.)

Me: There is nobody in London! (‘who fits your profile’ I thought in my head)

Dad: Then what is the problem then? Haven’t you heard that behind every successful man there is a woman?

(Flashback: This almost made me laugh! I never thought this will be used as an argument to convince somebody to get married! Moreover, this was one of the (in)famous old adage we used to amuse ourselves with during our fun-discussions in student life! I never thought I will have to argue this point with my dad. And what more, I did a terrible job!)

Me: But papa, I don’t consider myself successul yet!

Oops! It doesn’t take time for you to realise when your sarcasm is badly timed. This was one of those and I was almost sure that I will have to pay for it dearly. I was right. My dad went quiet. My mom came to my rescue.

Mom: Beta, koi bhi kaam sahi samay par hi accha lagta hai! (Son, everything should be done at the right time!)

At the same time dad got in to action not willing to let this go that easily.

Dad: What the hell in this world is wrong with you? Do you realise that all good girls are married off at an early age?

Surprising it might sound, no answer in my head sounded appropriate for this question.

Me: So, do you have anybody in mind who you think might be suitable for me?

Dad: There is no shortage of well-educated, beautiful girls in our caste. I tell you that. We just need to start looking.

A sudden spark of genius made me realise that the actual event is probably not as important for my parents as the whole process itself.

Me: Okay. If you think thats the case then I don’t mind you looking at proposals. I mean, I don’t think I want to get married just as yet, may be late next year or something (keeping my voice low here) but, I don’t mind you looking at proposals.

And my dad goes(looking at my mother).

Dad: Didn’t I tell you that he will understand? And didn’t I tell you that he has nobody in England?!

And I was thinking “What???”.

Dedication: This is dedicated to my dad who has made sure that I never had to look far for an ideal to draw inspiration. He has shown great faith in my ability to grasp his teachings and has left, for most part, to lead my life on my own terms allowing me to experience all shades of life. This is also dedicated to couple of my very dear friends, Ramanshu (no effort made to protect his identity) and Ahmar, who got married recently. Their names have been published to embarass and punish them for not staying in touch after marriage.

Not-so-useless post article commentary: It is quite obvious from this post that I belong to Bihar and I wear the badge with pride. I don’t do so because of its bad roads but, inspite of it. Bad roads don’t represent Bihar neither do high illitracy rate or poverty. I do. And several thousands others who have done very well in their chosen field inspite of what the then government of Bihar had to offer. Bad infrastructure etc’ are mere symptoms of bad governance. People of Bihar being subjected to ridicule merely suggests the ignorance of those who do it.

PS (Post-script): Was very tempted to address the dowry issue but thats for another day.

Repeat: Please note that although the event is real, conversation is totally fictitious.

Extra: There is no mention of Maithil Brahmin in Wiki (I didn’t know there were so many types of Brahmins!). There is no mention here as well. I wonder if its bad editing. Hmm..

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12 Responses to “The day I agreed to get married – Part2 (Finally)”

  1. Shalini said

    Well done. Brilliant. Be proud to be Bihari. Born Bihari

  2. megha said

    as usual very well experessed…

  3. […] (RSS) « Hack Your Brain! The day I agreed to get married – Part2 (Finally) […]

  4. Ahmar said

    Dear Neeraj,
    A good job in writing this article. I understand the objective of such text/channel in more ways than normals can imagine

    More from me to follow in private conversation…
    Thank you
    Ahmar Abbas

  5. Espy said

    he he he! that was as funny and thought provoking as beating kapoor with his own ink pen :))

  6. Praveena said

    haha good job! =) Loved reading it.

  7. kris said

    congratulations, dude!

    btw when did this (fictitious) conversation happen? i’m guessing this isn’t gonna be the typical arranged marriage that we read about in books. unless you haven’t met her yet, which is positively freaky 😀

  8. icarus said

    Accept my Heartiest Congratulations on the journey you’ll(or you’ll have to) embark upon…
    @kris: haven’t you watched the movie vivah… go and watch it and the element of freakiness would turn into a feeling of awe…

  9. Thanks Kris and Icarus.

    Kris: Your comment has almost convinced me to write something about arranged marriage for I hear so many, good and bad things, about it.

    More often people, mostly abroad, are shocked that such a thing even happens. And you are right that mine is not the text book arranged marriage but, I do believe that it is not that bad a custom if it was not as rigid as it is today in certain parts of the country.

  10. Ragini said

    Hi Neeraj,
    This was cute conversation.Which shows that our custom still alive. But what you have to say about the dowary system in Bihar. Where grooms are blaimed to take it on his fathers demand. Hardly 1/4th part of it comes in the hand of bride and groom. In that situation how a bride adjusts herself if she is a well earning woman after 2 years of marriage.

  11. Hello Ragini,

    Dowry is a custom which should be condemned in strongest possible terms. In earlier times, dowry used to be showcase of status. Now a days, it is mere greed. Bride is no longer judged on who and what she is but, how much her parents are willing to shell financially. It is such a shame. Marriage has turned in to an auction market where the groom goes to the highest bidder. People should hang their head in shame.

    However, you have raised an interesting question that the groom do not get a decent share. Again, the only reason I can see is that some parents see their son as lottery ticket. But, I don’t think grooms are any less to be blamed. I don’t think something like this can be pulled off without their support.

    How a bride should adjust after two years of marriage if she starts earning well?

    I don’t think anything should change if the relationship is based on solid foundation. But, I think what you mean is that when the girl got married, her parents would have had to pay huge dowry because may be she was not in job. Now that she is earning well, should this change? Well, the sad thing is that who and what a girl is does not seem to make a lot of difference to lots of people. If a family wants dowry, they will want it come what may. The only difference might be that if you are in a decent job at the time of marriage, you are in a better position to negotiate or may be you might be lucky to find a family who might give more weightage to personality of the girl. Its unfortunate that there are not many families who have such values! Its unfortunate that such a prejudice still exists. And all in the name of “Aisa hi chala aa raha hai” (This is how it has been for ages!)

  12. amit mishra said

    go bhai go , we will follow same conversation

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